Navigate the most challenging holiday get togethers
We all know the holidays can be a stressful time. But what can make them exponentially more difficult is when you involve family. Last year my family made a trip halfway across the world to visit my sister and her family for the holidays. Essentially, we blended two very different families into one for an epic holiday adventure. Was it fun? YES! Was it stressful? Not really. At least for me… That is because I come from dysfunction and my childhood extended holidays were HELL! Now that I’m older, I focus on a “go with the flow” mindset.
When I was a child, we only spent three holidays with extended family. Each one was difficult and resulted in family drama. Why? Because everyone seemed to get a little prickly when they must give up their individual traditions and do someone else’s. I remembered this so significantly as a child. Watching my mom fight with her mother over the way dinner was presented. Seeing my stepmom try to incorporate her traditions into a very rigidly established family. Observing my paternal Grandmother with grace and maturity just accept other ways for the holidays and go with the flow. So, who do I try to emulate for the blended holidays?? My maternal Grandmother.
It is hard to spend the holidays in a way you are not accustomed to. What worked for me last year? Go with the flow. It is not going to be your own traditions. You gotta bend. As an adult this is easier… or at least some adults. Plus, you may get something unexpected out of it. Maybe you’ll see a new way of doing something, or find a tradition that also resonates with you. Hopefully I harnessed my Gumby powers and did not try to force my ways on my sister and her family.
If you find yourself with family this year, or in a similarly challenging social dynamic, try not to be too salty because Aunt Bea forgot your favorite pie. Remember to go with the flow. As Bruce Lee said, “Be water, my friend.” Merging traditions and celebrating other peoples’ holidays is tough work.
Here’s our quick hit Holiday survival guide:
- Show up as your best self by scheduling in time for things that keep your cup full. Don’t skimp on the self care!
- Things getting heated? Take a time out for a quick meditation.
- Practice gratitude and go with the flow.
- Be like my grandma (and Gumby)… embrace the bend and go with the flow.
